January 1, 1940
Christmas is gone. This Christmas. One must usually
think in terms of gifts. . as Dale Harrison said, "In the handker-
chief-for handkerchief-exchange." In spite of this attitude, I am 
always happy to think of any person going about the business of 
wrappin a gift for me or even addressing a card to find me at
Christmas-time. Etoyle gave me bookends; Martha a cameo ring (cos-
tume junk). From Georgia, Frank Broadhurst, a boy that I shall never
see again, sent a Cara Nome vanity. Roy, in Puller's Drug-store tells
me that Cara Nome means lovliest flower or words to that effect..
which reminds me of the gift Will gave to Etoyle. He is a most un-
exciting member of an otherwise glamorous family. It seems that he 
has one brother who is an Annapolis man. I hear tell that he owns 
a whole slew of Polo ponies; then there is the sister who by some 
manner of means has associates in New York. She has the frouzy, 
careless look of the idle rich and Royalty. Her aloofness freezes
most of Starkville away. Will is the one who stays at home to run
the big dairy-farm. He sees Etoyle in the County Agent's office and
figures to himself that she would make a nice hostess for the lovely
old home out in the country. He has a protruding front tooth and he 
has no idea of how to wear the clothes that he can afford to buy;
yet he likes football and going places. Etoyle could marry him if
she wanted to, but she still has a college boy complex. I would
have loved having that bottle of CaraNome perfume. James Sikes
gave me an Evening-in-Paris set (mother looked it up in a remembered 
advertisement and was delighted to know that it cost at least ten
dollars.) I'm still wondering why I didn't have so much as a Merry
Christmas from Dock. None of these things are very important, but it
might be fun to check in 1960.
On Christmas-eve day, Joe, James, and Doss came. I hadn't
thought of their coming, but knowing them all as I do, I wasn't sur-
prised to see them. They had an air of coming to the country for
the sheer devilry of it..especially Joe. I suppose this attitude
was mostly of my making, as I seem to find some sort of satisfaction
in convincing people I meet of my rural background, when the truth of
the matter is that my way of living is very much like their own.
It was interesting to see the three of them there in our living-room.
Doss had the amused, faintly cynical look that I have learned to
recognise. This look usually results in a cryptical analysis of the
particular person he has been watching. At that moment he was look-
in at Daddy from head to toe, at the same time adding and subtract-
ing everything he said. Across the room was Joe, looking more pomp-
ous than usual. I suggested that he resembled his fellow-countryman, 
Mussoulinni, and was surprised to see how pleased he was. It seems that
other people have concluded the same thing. As Doss has said, "Joe
finds one word that he likes, and uses it for three days in every
other sentence he utters; then he finds another one". Joe had picked
the word "elegant" for his pet. While sitting in the bus-station cafe, 
in Grenada, he remarked that the pie he was eating was elegant. Doss
made the profound observation that elegant pie was made of elegance;
then Joe tells the following joke to Bernice: "A man went in a cafe
and asked for coconut pie, but the waiter said, 'We have no coconut
pie, but we have some apple-pie...." ' (If my descendents should have
happened to pounce upon this journal, I will explain, for their
benefit, that the joke which Joe told was known as a pointless joke 
in the year of nineteen thirty nine) Children, so many things were
pointless then.
And there was James, sitting in front of the fire. He had
the faintly sullen look on his face that would have been unpleasant
on any lesser personage. I can't remember that he had said a word.
He will always be able to come through with flying colors...just be-
cause he happens to look like a ten-year-old. It is not his policy to 
put out any effort on anyone. He is likely to say what is on his mind. 


Because of his sublime indifference, I chose him above the others.
I should get angry when he turns up at Hartness house minus a shave
and tie, and I do give him tirades that could come from any shrew;
yet deep down in me, I have never been really "mad" at him....not
even when he slept most of Christmas night.
Martha went back to Starkville with me to spend the night. 
It was Christmas, and we should have had a good time, but James 
was nursing a headache. This was the result of burning the candle at
both ends. The night before he was in Pittsboro, he and Doss had been
on a night's spree, and even though we did spend the time quietly
in front of the fire, all of us were awake until four o'clock Christmas
morning. As long as I live, I don't think I shall forget Doss there
in front of the fire, leaning against the book-case, with a dripping
red candle back of him, reading Dorothy Parker's verse aloud. There
was only the good sound of his voice and the faint sputter of the
flames as they burned. I don't know what the others were thinking
but I have a notion that each of us was with some particular memory.
that might have had nothing to do with this particular time or place.
It is possible that we were al thinking of some other Christmas, not
realizing the full impact of what being there would mean to us then
or later. There is a possibility that all of us recognized the im-
portance of being there and being happy with the association that
time and chance had brought about. 
Yes, on Christmas night, James was suffering from a head- 
ache. Hunting all that day hadn't helped the situation, any. Jack
Cook, the boy who works in the City office was with Martha. I had often
wondered why he seems so eternally happy. He explained this by say-
ing he had found the blue-bird. I have thought About that often and 
have puzzled as to where he found the blue-bird. As James was postive-
ly insufferable, we ended at the Blue-Goose a little ahead of sche-
dule time. Joe and Doss came out to wait on us and crawled in the car.
Joe was feeling ^elated. He gave an account of his trip to Italy, which
took place when he was a kid. The story was mostly travel-folders,
but there was just enough of Joe to make it amazing as well as amusing
to all of us but James. He was sound asleep with his head on my 
shoulder.
The next night, we took Martha to Eupora. Joe and Doss were
really trying to put something over on James for not taking them 
along, instead of Jack, and I was just a little peeved at James, my-
self; therefore we left him in Starkville. Mother and daddy were in 
Eupora to meet Martha. After they had gone, Joe, Doss, and I went 
in to the new cafe on the corner. There was the old ugly Ray boy that 
worked on the corner from Miss Tilla Bell's boarding house. It was 
good to see him again. For a minute I remembered the whole wonderful
summer and would have given my hat to see Doc for a minute. A whole
summer in Greenwood..hanging on because I couldn't bear to leave him. 
The time couldn't have been wasted, but where is he now. Joe called 
up the Mayor to congratulate him on the Dial telephone system which
has recently been installed in Eupora, and which Starkville does
not have.
It had rained all day that day..the most dismal rain imaginable-
Although it was on the melodramatic side to think such things, I
felt that every drop fell literally in my heart and weighted me down
to the ground. The people who came into the office depressed me with 
their endless troubles. They are all so hopeless. Most of them have
some major tragedy in their dull, stupid lives that makes despicable
whiners out of them. Most of the tragedies are brought about through
their onwn poor way of living..mostly through ignorance. Ocassionally,
we do come in contact with real greatness. They are the ones who
wouldn't tell anything willfully, but because of facial expressions,
they are the saddest of all.


It was after we had taken Joe home that Doss and I
started talking. In so many ways he had told me that he cared 
about me, without ever making any definite statement, I had come
to believe of him what I cannot believe of others who have sworn
deep-undying effection. From the time I had been in Starkville,
and had first been with him, We had found so many things to do
and so much to talk about. For instance: In the early fall we had
wandered over every street in town, smoking talking...discussing
everything from the foreign situation to football. We evn debated 
as to whether the young Dentist really loved his ugly wife or not. 
some nights we had been to the show, ending up at Temp's for a 
Wropped 'burger and a glass of Butty-milk, as old man Templeton 
would put it. A lot of times we sat in a booth in the Bell cafe
and discussdeeach other. Both of us admitted that we were transparent
to each other. For that reason we never bothered to lie.
'Twas the night after Christmas, after Joe had gone on
round the corner, that we two sat there in front of the Hartness
house. It was then that I said the things to him I'd been thinking
all along. He said that they'd been said before, mostly by other
women, but not exactly in so many words as I had told him. It all
centered onthe acknowledged fact that he is willing to do nothing
but loaf..to loaf the rest of his life in his perfectly groomed
manner. I have only seen him without a coat one time. He is the
only thoughtful, considerate man I know, he is the most intelligent
person I can think of, offhand; he has the most beautiful speech
I have heard off the radio. In spite of all these attributes, he
seens satisfied to deal in cattle (vaguely speaking), two days a
week. Before Christmas, he asked if I minded his trading an Elgin
watch in on a wrist-watch for me. At that time, he might have had
two dollars in his pockets. When I told him that he was like a
beautiful plane that wouldn't fly, he seemed to understand what I
meant. It isn't that he is unable to see his own faults. He can, and 
is quite willing to discuss them. It is as if he had been deprived 
of the one thing that would have made him care enough to be some-
thing.
After that night, I hardly saw Doss again until New Year's 
Eve, when we ran into him at Rest-A-While. NewYear's Eve day Sunday
afternoon). James Sikes and I went Bird hunting. I had never been 
before. It was fun to wear the new whip-cord Jodspurs and the boots 
I had borrowed from 'Cile. I probably looked better that day than 
I had since the day I ran in out of the rain to have my picture
made. It was the picture that Petty chose second and which appeared
in full-page splendor of the 1937 edition of Reville. That last day
of December was blue and clear. The dead fields stretched out for
miles, and there wasn't much color but the green of the pines and 
the yellow broom-straw; and the blue, blueness of the cold sky. 
Once-in-a-while, I'd lag behind just to get the full effect of James
with his gun, and the spotted bird-dogs, Maud and Vic, following
alongside of him, in the picture. He wore a shirt a deeper blue
than the sky; on the back of his head, in a hit-or-miss style, perch-
ed a brilliant red satin base-bell cap. On his face was a two-day
old black beard. He was in high spirits. We laushed a lot that 
afternoon. By the time the sun was going down, James had killed
seven quail. I having realized too late, that the boots were much 
too big for me, limped to the car. Both of my feet were badly
blisterd. We were tired as one used to be tired from playing out- 
side all day. It was good to see the fire burning in Watt's and 
'Cile's Apartment Living-room. I met Bessie D, James' younger sister,
Who is married to Alcé Olivét. They were visiting over the holidays,
their home being in Lousiana. The frenchman is delightful. He fanc-
cied taht it would be a wonderful thing if I could be made a member
of the family, via James, I suppose.
Jack Cook and Alcé dropped James ^& me at our respective houses while
they went in search of Old Anthem. This whiskey comes in a brown
bottle, shaped like a fiddle. by the time we were changed, Jack and 


Alcé were back for us. I wore Rose's green dress and red necklace.
James said that he liked me better in my hunting clothes. 'Cile
and Bessie D. had cooked the birds. There were English peas, some
stuffed celery, Rice, and gravy. We were all hungry. It was an ideal
meal. Uncontrollable laughter. No reason other than Old Anthem, and 
the rare accident of getting that many congenial people together.
Later on, after some trouble from Jack, we went on to 
Rest-A-While. The place was jammed with all sorts of lovely people.
I've never liked so many people and felt so liked. It was then that 
I saw Doss, who took me back to the kitchen to meet Six Fulgham,
a wastrel, who seems to have blown back into Starkville for the hol-
idays. The boys had all told me of his magnetism over women. I
haven't been able to fathom it yet, but I was asking him to dance
with me. He did. James broke, and that was the end of that. It
was three s'clock before we decided that we'd done all we could about 
the New ^Year. It was three-thirty and the aay I was to leave Starkvile
for good. 
This day, New Year's day, leaves me lost and unhappy...possi-
bly because of the celebration last night, and the fact that I'm 
finished here in Starkville. I met James in the bar at ten-thirty
and didn't have much to say. He looked almost as badly as I felt. 
Doctor Eckford dressed my feet and told me that I shouldn't have
hunted on Sunday. At twelve-thirty, feeling more lost than ever, I
was glad to hear Joe on the phone. I met himand Doss in the bar,
where all of us discussed the night before. Joe left, as was pre-
arranged. Doss wanted to say something but never did....not until
we walked on to the post office, I was reminding him that he must 
write me, after I'd gone home. He said, "What difference does it 
make whether I write you or not. I'm just the person that loves you!
He left me at the door' saying he'd see me again.
That afternoon, James and I went to Watt's and 'cile's house
to hear the Southern Cal.-Tennessee game. I didn't see much of the
game, but kept thinking that I wouldn't be seeing James for a long
time. He left me at the door. 
After Supper, Dorcas Ward came by for me, and we were on our
way.
January 2nd.
I am at home without a job. Right now the most important
thing to do seems to stay by the fire and not freeze. Because of
my blistered feet, I haven't been inclined to wear shoes. Bernice
left to stay at CalhounCity, Where she is working for FSA. She is 
going to stay with Nora and Edward. 
In the afternoon, Mother went to the Baptist church to help
quilt a quilt for Boyce Shannon's wife, who lost everything she
had when their house burned a few weeks ago.
Bob Young has at last found a school. I am glad. Maybe he can
get back on his feet again.
January 3rd